Self retrospective on writing!
May 28, 2021
It doesn’t matter what I write, how I write, how pretty my words are,
or how accurate the structure and grammer of the blog post is,
or how long or short it is,
or how engaging the topic is,
or how apt and beautiful the title is (thinking about titles is a real PITA for me, but I’ve come over it now I feel),
or (more significantly, this common and most frequent thought) whether this something that I want to write is worth writing or not,
or what people would think of me after reading this,
or how would they judge me based on what I wrote, etc … etc,
and really there is absolutely no end to this trailing end of thoughts (for me, atleast).
What really matters is, that I write.
Regardless of what I am thinking, what I am doing, what matters is that I take time out to write about whatever it is that I am doing at the time.
Ofcourse, that whatever could be doing nothing. But always note that at times when you feel like you’ve done nothing, mostly this is when you’ve been doing something really significant. Most likely it’s something, you’re not aware enough about to acknowledge.
maybe you are taking time out,
maybe you are giving yourself some headspace to start again on something,
maybe you are planning for how to deal with stuffs,
maybe you are already dealing with stuff,
maybe you are feeling anxious and trying to battle with that anxiety and that’s when you feel like you are not doing anything,
or maybe you are sad and you feel like you’re lagging behind from everyone, here again you are doing some real hard work of getting along with that feeling and coming out of that,
maybe you are jealous of everyone around you and you’re deep under your own circle of inferiority complex, acknowledge that because again ths also is part of life.
The point is, there should be no judgment on what to write. It might feel like that what you are doing is not worth writing (again it is repetitive, READ ABOVE, again), I would say writing one line, one paragraph, one page or one word or absolutely anything is still worth it.
Because regardless of what you wrote or how much you wrote, it is always rewarding! Writing down your thoughts somewhere, is something that would make you feel calm, better, no matter what (and without failing).
I look at myself now. I look at various spaces on this blog, I am absolutely happy that I wrote. It is very calming, regardless of the fact that there are posts which are literally just one line or 3 words or something like that. I absolutely dont care about that currently.
I also know that I have done this (that is ~ starting to write regularly with the hope that it will keep going on forever without failing) 1470 times before. And with no shame (ok, I felt ashamed at times, and only God knows why, because it was absolutely meant for nothing and more importantly, ended up into nothing), I have failed at this almost every single time.
I also know that this might become the 1471th time when I would fail again at writing regularly, as in, maybe life would happen and I won’t feel like writing on one day, followed by another similar day and then followed by one more and one more and so on, so, I would give up in the end.
Yes, that might or could happen once again. I just wanna say, even that is fine. As far as I know I am doing it intentionally, that is fine too. I know writing is important for me in all perspectives of my life, and even after that if I don’t feel like doing it at a time, it’s perfectly fine, because that’s an intentional decision and even making that decision is a win in itself.
But, on contrary if I leave it because I don’t wanna try anymore (even after being absolutely aware that how important writing is for me)…,
well, then ok Priyanka, you know you’re doing it. You know you’re doing it just because you are lazy and you don’t want to do any more hardwork, no more hardwork of thinking, no hardwork of doing, no hard work of trying or the least i.e showing up and failing (which is infact the most most most important one). So, be ok with that also then.
Know that it’s you yourself, who is doing it to yourself.
Now, after all this, I just wanna say this last thing to myself ~ you are doing good!
By writing about what things you are doing, or how you are feeling, you are eventually making this very rich space for yourself to reflect upon, a very rich source of information and knowledge about you yourself, for your future-self. All this is some really awesome stuff!
Please keep doing it.
It is hard but really not that hard! 🙂